Tag: andrea frazer

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The Argue Jar

Andrea Frazer

With my full time job and my hubby’s new biz starting, my patience has been strained. Add in a needy pit bull rescue, other family obligations, the kids’ school work, after school classes, and a sputter tic that my darling son has decided sounds best when displayed ten times/minute, I have little room for additional irritations.

On the positive side:

* I am learning to say no

* I have greatly reduced my drinking and upped my exercise

* I have learned to set boundaries

* I have given myself permission to love others but not allow their negativity to affect me

* I have learned the importance of defending my personal space

* I am realizing that I don’t have to explain ANYTHING to ANYONE anymore – not my statements, my kids, my own personal needs

But perhaps the best thing I’ve created for peace despite an insane schedule?

The Argue Jar

Basically, it works like this:

Me: Stink, I need you to take out the trash now

Stink: I was hoping to do it after I finished reading Pokemon and the Case of the Runaway Chicken

Me: Add a dollar to the argue jar

Stink: But I’m at a really good part!

Me: Add another dollar

(Two minutes later)

Me: Pip, it’s time to get ready for dinner

Pip: But I want to bike!

Me: Add a dollar to the argue jar

Pip: (getting the dollar but shuffling her feet) That’s totally unfair!

Me: Add in a quarter for a bad attitude

Last week, I made $11.75

argue jar

 

With it, I bought this:

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Because I often have to turn over my entire paycheck to cover boring essentials like food, shelter and clothing, this really made my day! It relaxed me enough to be able to thank the other people in my life who pitch in to make our little household run. This includes:

My hubby. Thanks, sweetie, for your wonderful dinners!

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Thanks, kiddos, for genuinely liking each other after all this time. I’m bracing myself for those tween years when you’ll realize sharing a room is about as uncool as having your mom  hug you in front of class, but for now, I’ll take it!

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And thank you, crazy Brooklyn, for reminding me that although you still want to eat other dogs when we walk you, you are a complete and total love bug with us. You are teaching me how to be tough and patient as we socialize you. And for that, of course, take our favorite chair. Let us wrap you in pillows. All 85 pounds of you deserve every last bit of comfort.

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Some people have meditation. Some people have exercise. I have the argue jar. And I’m quite grateful.

Until next time, hug that ticker today! And remember, a kid who tics but has personality beats a non-ticking boring kid any day of the week. Focus on the gifts!

 

 

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Follow Happily Ticked Off on Facebook!

Andrea Frazer

ts image

In an effort to get people connected, you can now find posts from this site as well as other inspirational T.S. related stuff, on Facebook.

Follow me here! Feel free to write me, also, at HappilyTickedOff@Gmail.com

Talk at you soon – and can’t wait to connect.

acupuncture, Tics, Tourettes, Uncategorized

Acupuncture Video #3 – Western vs. Chinese Medicine

Andrea Frazer

In my third video of a series of acupuncture pieces, Martina Eberhard discusses the difference between Chinese and Western Medicine. Hint: It’s not that one doctor’s office has Fortune Cookies. Though if one did, I would make sure yours read: “Focus on you child’s gifts today!”

Happy end of weekend.

Andrea

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Happy New Year! Tic Resolutions?

Andrea Frazer

skating

Keeping this short as I’m at work. (Unless you’re my boss reading, in which case I am diligently coming up with 75 Examiner Headlines.)

How was your holiday season? How are the tics? How are you dealing with them?

One dear friend of mine from my private group keeps a Victory journal. It’s a faith-based writing memoir in which she shares her struggles and hopes for her son with God. By writing down verses and scriptures, she has an automatic go-to way to release some of her fears. I love that!

As for me, I am a pray-er and list maker. Here are my goals for dealing with Tourettes this year. Would love to hear yours.

Fantasy Goal

Not let tics bug me in the least!

Realistic Goal

Find the courage to accept the tics I cannot change, change the tics I can, and have the wisdom to know the difference.

Vocal Tics Gone

Thanks to acupuncture, Stink’s vocal tics are gone. I mean GONE. Given how much crap he ate over Christmas, combined with video games and lack of sleep, I don’t believe this is just coincidence or part of the tic cycle. Acupuncture is the reason, so I’m grateful. (Stay tuned this week as I video tape the lovely Martina speaking on this subject!)

Still Shaky Shaky

Unfortunately, my son’s head shakes/nods are at an all time high. I mean, NON stop. (How they don’t bug him is amazing. I honestly get so drained being around it sometimes. I swear, it’s ME who needs some kind of hyno-therapy for this. Still, not depressed like I was years back. Just working on acceptance. There is hope!)

Martina thinks that the supplements will kick in after six weeks and to be patient until then. If the constant shakes don’t go away, it’s time to reconsider how much time he spends on the computer.

NOTE: I pray that he does find relief via the herbs she is prescribing, because he SOOOO loves his gaming. He is not playing all day. He plays weekends only. During vacation he plays 1 – 2 hours/day. This might seem like a lot, but as a kid, I watched TV 1 hour-2 hours/day. I also biked and ran and hung out with friends, just like Stink. We’ll have to see.

Realistic Plan for 2014 for Tic Treatment

* Gluten free unless a birthday party in which he gets pizza and cake. (Similar to me and wine. It’s all moderation.)

* Computers weekends only except 10 minutes/during week to feed some virtual plant in some game. (I know, it’s dumb)

* New sport introduced for daily exercise

* Dog for him to walk daily! (Stay tuned! He got a promise for a dog on New Year’s Day which was also his 11th birthday! Tics increase in the tween years, so I’m keeping this in mind.)

* Acupuncture 3 days/week + supplements

More Hardcore Plan if tics don’t decrease by Spring

* No 10 minute virtual plant feeding during week

* Going dairy free again

* Revisit the idea of Brain Balance now that I’m working and might be able to swing the 5K

* Consider some kind of Lens Treatment for tics

* Revisit an environmental doc to guide me on pros and cons of letting a kid be a kid (video games) and supplementing with good stuff I’m already doing

For Me

* Daily exercise

* No wine during the week

* Church on Sundays with family

* Bible Study daily (just ten minutes)

* Life Group (small groups of people thru church) to connect with once/week and remind me that my life is not based on tics but something so much greater than myself

I pray that 2014 brings you peace that transcends understanding. I pray that you (and I) remember that all kids have something. We can’t always fix the tics, but we can encourage the gifts our kids are born with. Personality trumps Tourette Syndrome. Love you all!

Check out more posts about Tourettes at the New Jersey Center for Tourette Syndrome where this blog is syndicated.

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Your Twitch and Bitch (Slap)

Andrea Frazer

my kid

I’ve been trolling a lot from my private group lately. There is just so much gold to be mined, I can’t help but share some of the nuggets. I promised my ladies, even though I keep their names anonymous, that I won’t be ‘using’ them forever for their stories.

But sometimes, I can’t help myself. When we share with others, it makes us all feel so much less alone and real. Besides, since my group is called “Twitch and Bitch,” I occasionally have to take advantage of my bitches. (Note to Margaret: I’m sorry. That really was kind of crass. Please forgive me. It’s bad enough that I went through 3 takes of a video I’m making because I accidentally used my kids’ real names. Your security motions are slaying me!)

Now, back to our original programming.

Today in my group a mom – who I’ve known over 5 years – was freaking out over upping her son’s medication. She is nervous about raising the dosage, even though she thinks he needs it, because she’s worried about what will happen if it doesn’t work. She’s afraid she might not be able to handle the disappointment.

I TOTALLY understand this. For you new moms out there, this is so very very very valid. It’s scary. You don’t want to feel you’ve exhausted everything and have no hope.

Even for you old-time TS moms, this is a valid feeling. No one should ever tell you what is okay and what is not okay to feel. But how you act on your feelings? That’s a whole other matter. And again, no one has to take my advice, but I have some anyway. For me, this means being harder on the old timers than the newbies in my group. They are tougher, and if they are not, I make them tougher by giving them a little Andrea boot camp. I call it the Twitch and Bitch Slap.

Maybe you could benefit from this, too. If I hurt your feelings, I’m sorry. Please know it’s for your own good. And if you disagree, feel free to say so! (But it doesn’t change my mind.)

My Note to Old Timer Sad Mom

Here’s you Twitch and Bitch-slap:
 
1. Get a therapist
2. If you don’t like the therapist, find a new one
3. If you don’t like that one, find a new one after that
4. When you find a great therapist, go every week for a year
5. If you’re not feeling better after that, try something new. Consider medication. Consider church. Consider meditation.  Consider a job. Consider exercise. Consider ANYTHING different.
 
I PROMISE YOU. You can’t NOT do what I prescribed and not feel better. It’s not possible. If you feel that it IS indeed impossible, it’s not, it’s just what YOU think about it and honestly, that is of no consequence. That “it’s not going to get better talk” is called depression. There is a cure for depression. Don’t know what it is? Re- read #1 – 5.
 
Take two drinks and get back to me in the morning.
 
Dr. Andrea
* Note about drinking: I’ve done it when the stress has hit. A lot of us have – it takes the edge off. But this is not a mechanism that should be a permanent fix. It’s a slippery slope between “mercy” and “alcohol abuse” and one that I find I have to watch closely. I hope you do, too. (Speaking of, it’s Saturday night and I’m drinking, shhhh, coffee. I know. I’m crazy. If Stink is going to head shake all day – which he’s been doing all week for whatever reason – I figure I can shake from too much caffeine in solidarity. I’m awesome that way.)
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One of These Kids Is Not Like The Other

Andrea Frazer

“One of these things is not like the other…” That used to be my kids’ favorite Sesame Street song. They’d squeal with joy when one row of boxes containing 3 apples and oranges rolled by, while another box contained 3 apples and a banana. So similar, yet so different!

Perhaps you, too, can play this game with my children.

Pip’s Suitcase

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Stink’s Suitcase

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Pip’s version of arcade game playing

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Stink’s version

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Pip’s version of hat wearing

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Stink’s version

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While I’m stoked to say that no one laughs at Stink for a few tics, our family finds him pretty hilarious. He really brightens our lives.

Pip finds him pretty darn funny also. She’ll even tie his shoes for him. 7

After all, shirtless arcade play is exhausting. Plus he’s got those 100 pens to organize in his suitcase.

The takeaway: If your kid is eccentric like mine, like Stink’s treasured Scooby Doo suitcase, you better roll with it. They only get more eccentric with time. (And thank God. It’s so much more fun.)

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Chicago, Summer Camp and More

Andrea Frazer

So Miss Adelia and I both left our kids with sitters and enjoyed a lovely meal in Hollywood. We felt very fancy with our big Diet Cokes and yummy Italian food. We ate on the patio with the warm breeze blowing. I did not once think about anything gluten free. “Bring on the dinner roles with the olive oil,” was my motto. It was delcious.

The show? Oy. Christie Brinkley is gorgeous. She’s actually quite charming and even funny. But she can’t sing. I mean, not at all. I wanted to like her. I really did. But I didn’t. Everyone else in the cast, from John O’Hurley to Amra-Faye Wright were spectacular. The dancing was superb and the costumes were incredible. But the story was dark. It was somber. And with all the evil in the world, I just didn’t get it.

You could say that I have been so down about Tourettes that my opinion was swayed. But the truth is, I wasn’t. I get annoyed when I’m in the same room with Stink for hours on end and get no break, but the moment I leave, I’m fine. And frankly, I’m getting less annoyed even with Stink. After all, he’s the one with this disorder, not me. I’m so unbelievably proud of his resilience and amazing attitude. I might as well have the same. He rocks!

In closing, I called a camp for summer. I was thinking about enrolling him and Pip in musical theatre. I mentioned that he has T.S.. Their response was that it’s fine if he comes with an aid. “An aid? He doesn’t even have an I.E.P., though,” I balked. “I just told you about his diagnosis so you wouldn’t freak out about a few tics during rehearsal.” Their response, “It’s fine! Really! As long as none of those behaviors that come with T.S. accompany your camper.”

Um… Huh. Head scratch head scratch WHAT????

I get it on some levels. They don’t have time to accomodate special needs kids who don’t come with special needs support.

On another level, though, it’s frustrating. I lose either way. If I don’t say he has T.S., they’re going to wonder why he’s occasionally coughing or churping during “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?” or adding individual neck rolls to “Doe a Deer”.  If I inform them of his condition, though, and he does something very Stink like – very sneaky and appropriate for any average NT 9 year old  – he’s automatically singled out as “The Tourettes Kid.”

Forget that racket! I spoke to my hubby and we’re enrolling our kids in the YMCA this summer. I don’t have the energy for this crap. Once he gets his tics dialed and we’re off this study, I’ll go back to fighting dipshxxxts.

For now, I want to enjoy my summer, tics and all, and hopefully not have to sit through Christy Brinkley’s musical acts. Hell, she doesn’t have T.S. and should have been kicked out of that play. Funny how things work sometimes, eh?

Good night everyone! Love you all and am praying for your beautiful babies!

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Gluten Free Living/Vitamins/More Revelations!

Andrea Frazer

A new reader asked me to point her toward some of my more concise posts on diet and T.S.. (Me? Concise? Is that possible?)

It got me thinking that I should really add a tab on diet/nutrition to this site. Until, then, though, I’ll leave her and you with a link from my old website.

Gluten Free/Caesin Free Living and Tourettes

http://www.lifehappins.com/2/post/2011/09/10-ways-to-go-gluten-free.html

This is a great book on T.S, diet, etc.

http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Treatments-Tics-Tourettes-Patient/dp/1556437471/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331674008&sr=8-1

Here’s info on how to test for food allergies

http://www.lifehappins.com/2/post/2008/11/the-abcs-of-igg-testingfood-allergies-and-tics.html

My Revelation

Stink’s Tarzan is still with us. I’m trying really hard to love it. Perhaps instead of viewing it as the squatter that constantly interrupts my son’s speech, I will view it instead as a quirky visitor who adds spice to our days. If only Tarzan would cook and clean toilets I might consider permanent adoption.

While I will never stop looking for ways to eliminate this sucker (stricter diet? more acupuncture? less Wii? better vitamins? drug options?) I had a super big epiphany today about me.

I was sitting in Bible Study, and we were asked to talk about a time when we simply could not forgive someone – no matter how much we were called to do it for our faith.

“Who would like to share?” our 82 year old kick-butt leader asked us. (I seriously want to be Rosemary one day. She hikes, wears Ugg boots, and is a nurse working as a lactation consultant. She had a shower at her home last weekend for one of our knocked up sisters in Christ. She called it “Better Than Sex” cake. Moving on.)

No one wanted to share their stories of un-forgiveness and anger. I don’t believe it’s because they were all so pious. It’s hard to talk about the ugly side of ourselves. Lucky for my leader, I have no shame.

“I have someone I can’t forgive,” I said. “Tarzan!”

I explained how, no matter how much I tried, I simply could not accept that annoying sound. I admitted that I’ve come a long way from getting totally nutty about it, but it still bothers me. I want it to swing on outta there.

“I am not 100% defeated, but I’m not 100% at peace when my son tics. I want to love Tarzan as he is part of my child. But I don’t. I hate him. (pause) With all my heart. (Pause) I don’t forgive him. (Pause) But I want to.”

People nodded and said they would pray for me – which is totally awesome. I do believe it’s God’s grace that is strong when I am weak.

Then a beautiful Barbie of a woman – call her Jodie – chimed in. In a venue where she could have left me with happy platitudes, she cut right to the core: “I don’t think you’ve accepted the tics because it’s not really about the tics. It’s really about you. When you are able to accept everything about you and love yourself the way Jesus 100% loves you, the tics will lose their power.”

Well, there’s that.