Category: writing

education, faith, spirituality, writing

How to Know, With 100% Certainty, If Something Is Your Passion

Andrea Frazer

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I made a commitment almost a month ago that I would blog every day. I’m proud to say that I have done just that (minus one day I thought I hit “publish” and accidentally hit “publish later”.)

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that since I have blogged daily my regular work and attitude has improved. It’s the love of doing these posts, regardless of pay, no matter what time of night, that is an indicator that this is my passion.

I love writing, even on less than ideal days. Like today… when the principal… all smiles…. mentioned something to me about a student who should not have been in my room yesterday during one period (which, as a newbie, I didn’t know had slipped in). Her statement was kind of a bummer. Up until that moment I had been having a brilliant day… really finding my own with the lesson plans, student interactions, organization, etc. Still, I refused to let this break my stride. (Those over 40 are welcome to break into a popular song now…)

The new me: “Huh, yeah, I’ll more careful.” (On the inside: Noted/that sucks/move on)

The old me: “Huh, yeah, I’ll be more careful.” (On the inside: Oh my God, I suck. I’m going to lose my job. I clearly  have no classroom management skills NO WONDER I CAN’T FIGURE OUT MY LIFE!”)

Dramatic much?

Digging Deep

I have learned through the serious self-appraisal of step work that I am both over-confident and hypersensitive. Over and over, based on certain life events and my personal wiring, I learned to react in a way that’s not exactly amazing. It wasn’t easy, but commitment to healing from past hurts (intended cuts or not) has saved me from repeating them over and over, wounding both myself and others.

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For me, old behavior meant acting like I didn’t care (I did) and when criticized pretending that I could easily blow it off (I couldn’t).

But now… by honestly looking at these destructive character defects, I can put into practice something better. Well, I can’t do it alone. The God of my understanding comes on in to help out.

Spiritual Solution for Icky Earth Issues

Having a spiritual remedy is everything! It means that instead of sulking I can pray and get into gratitude.

Instead of quitting, I can invite God in to give me courage to try again.

And instead or flogging myself for my mistakes (which are really just opportunities for learning) I can give thanks to God for everything he’s done so far in my life. I can give myself credit for what I do do well.

Writing each day reminds me to see the bright side of the beauty in my days, despite setbacks.

The smell of fresh rain on cement.

Time on my commute to listen to Classical music, pray and make a few phone calls.

A reminder to focus on the students who truly want to learn and  not hold grudges against the ones who just don’t care. (It’s not about holding grudges, anyway. They are kids. They aren’t staring aimlessly out the window on purpose. Some want to do the work, some don’t. If I’ve tried my best, the rest I can let go and stop being hypersensitive.)

Today I choose not to go into fear mode over one comment. I choose to leave here, hit a meeting, take myself to a lovely dinner for some much  needed alone time after an intense two weeks, and be grateful that I’m not where I want to be but I’m a hell of a lot closer than I used to be.

And that’s good enough.

Happily Ticked Off Tip #21: Your passion is something you do no matter what and it brings you energy instead of depletion. Hey, do that!

My book is available on Amazon. (Note: It’s a special ed journey… your kid doesn’t need to have Tourettes to relate!) Follow me on Twitter@AndreaFrazerWrites or on Facebook. 

books

 

parenting, writing

The Best Advice I Forget to Take

Andrea Frazer

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I am lucky that I am really close to my teenagers. Part of it is that we are huge people, so we are literally close.  (I’m not kidding. Stink is on his way to being 7 feet. We live in a 1950’s starter with low ceilings. We might have to move in a few years. To a yurt. Or a circus tent.)

The thing is that I’ve learned one powerful tool over the past few years. I mentioned it a while back, but it’s such a bootie saver that I’m repeating it. It goes like this:

#1 Parenting Tool to Save Your Relationship (And head from spinning off its axis like Linda Blair after smelling too much High School Axe)

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“Do you want my opinion or do you just want me to listen?”

Then just follow their lead.

Even if you are dying to say something.

Even if you have to super glue your mouth. And then cover that with tape. And cut off your tongue. (Don’t do that last part. You’d never get to enjoy coffee again. That would suck.)

I am telling you, this parental response is like crack for an addict. It just calms everything down.

Still not sure? Think about it: When you’re upset, do you want someone just spouting off their opinion? No, you don’t. If they did, you’d want to punch them in the throat.

Or wash down a Chipolte plate with a large Diet Coke and silently resent them (and hate yourself for being such a wussy).

No, asking before breaking and entering a teenager’s vulnerable emotions is the best course. Every. Single. Time.

Which is why tonight I am typing this a bit defeated. Because not only do I not like listening to other people’s unwelcomed advice, I don’t even take my own.

Come to think about it, you’re not asking for my opinion either, readers! But you’re reading, so I will, unlike how I ever want a date to end with my teenagers, assume consent is implied. (Thanks to Tuskany’s lightning speed text “Is everything okay?” I will clarify the consent reference. It’s from watching One Day at a Time. Such a remarkable series that covers so many issues our teens face – sexual consent notwithstanding. My kids are fine… they are not into dating yet. Thank God.)

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Oh, man, being a parent is hard sometimes. Why couldn’t I just be a crystal gem, like my kids’ favorite show of late, and fight virtual demons while morphing with other dysfunctional beings to create life?

Actually, I think that last part is how I ended up with my kids in the first place.

Happily Ticked Off Tip #19:  When your teen is upset, try asking “Do you want my opinion or do you just want me to listen?” It’s a game changer and keeps you a safe space for future conversation.

My book is available on Amazon. (Note: It’s a special ed journey… your kid doesn’t need to have Tourettes to relate!) Follow me on Twitter@AndreaFrazerWrites or on Facebook. 

books

 

faith, spirituality, writing

The One Spiritual Truth that Will Set You Free

Andrea Frazer

 

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So much has happened this week, it’s become apparent that sometimes the only thing to do, in no particular order, includes:

  • Get up a wee bit earlier to meditate and not rush.
  • Find new places on the way to work to do one’s business.
  • Thank said gas station owner for use of facility. If it’s a Starbucks, be grateful you only deposited a piece of yourself and not an additional $5.00 on a drink that would only make you search yet again for a place to do one’s business.
  • Not overthink everything (Are you on time? Do you have a plan? Are you flexible? If so, let the overflowing art sink go for one more day.)
  • Buy a notepad and try to stay current with tasks.
  • Don’t look at the end result. Just put one foot in front of the other.
  • Practice gratitude.
  • Get your nails done with your daughter.

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Today I did the Call to Offering at church. This basically meant I tell a bit of my story and ask for money. In the past I would be worried about such an event as this: What would people think? I’m so new! Am I being hypocritical? After all, I’m not exactly throwing down hundred dollar bills in the offering plate myself.

But when an unexpected death occurs – both in body (last week – someone from my hubby’s side) and in soul (my own over the past few years) you start to realize that true resurrection comes in dying to self and becoming the person God intended you to be, not the person you thought you were supposed to be.

Don Miguel Ruiz writes an amazing book about breaking the four contracts we unconsciously sign that set us up for a lifetime of suffering.

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The book is a one day read and has transformative nuggets of truth that have been life changing for me.

This book aside, dying to self can also often mean not having all the answers.

It means honoring myself where I can with rest (14 hours snooze Friday night? That’s me!)

It means stating some ground rules with love to not sink in exhaustion Hi School Secretary. I’d love it if for one week you don’t schedule me to cover other classes during my conference time. When she responds back with It’s because you’re a sub You gently stand your ground. I’m a long term sub through June. I’m really at less of an advantage than a teacher because I don’t have a real lesson plan yet. I truly need the time to prep. And then you smile, because this particular secretary is super nice and just doing her job.

And, to be a decent human, you add on, If you must schedule me, though, I get it. Just asking.

And then when you inevitably get the call to sub, you thank God you have a fancy Chulux (it’s the bastard child of a Keurig), brew a cup of java, and head out to the bungalow clear across campus.

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And you do this because at the bottom of all your hard earned faith is a cosmic nugget that you will share with said readers that will transform their frustration to acceptance. To put it bluntly, it’s the one spiritual truth that will set every single human on earth free.

Zero Fucks Given.

You’re welcome.

Happily Ticked Off Tip #18: Zero Fucks Given is an attitude that allows you to surrender to God’s will for your life. It’s like the red carpet for the spiritual set.

My book is available on Amazon. (Note: It’s a special ed journey… your kid doesn’t need to have Tourettes to relate!) Follow me on Twitter@AndreaFrazerWrites or on Facebook. 

books

faith, spirituality, writing

Sychronicities, God and Peacocks. It’s a Thing

Andrea Frazer

Beginning this summer I started hiking every day in the beautiful hills of Santa Susana. In between chatting with fellow teacher friends and attempting not to fall on my ass (or that it didn’t bug me when I actually did fall on my ass…which was about every day) I felt like I could see Indians still living in the hills. Sometimes I’d see a snake slither by or a coyote slink past due to recent fires. I loved these hikes. Not only did I develop a beautiful friendship with women I only knew on a surface level the prior year at school, I also felt a deep spiritual connection to the God of my understanding.

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I am Christian. I love Jesus. I feel the Holy Spirit stir in me constantly, nudging me sometimes to push harder, other times to just rest in his love. Like the big JC, there’s a time to pull out the whip and a time to kick back with homies and have a fish fry.

I also, however, discovered a well of spiritual truth that goes beyond my Christian framework. And that well was tapped by peacocks.

It started with my friends driving me to an adjourning neighborhood where wild peacocks roamed. Vibrant and colorful, it was hilarious to see them preening and strutting next to garbage cans and brick patios.

The next day I saw an ad on a bus that involved a peacock.

This wouldn’t be a big deal to me if I hadn’t also seen a peacock in some stained glass while lunching with Tuskany and the kids at a funky pizza restaurant.

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And at LAUSD headquarters. 14 stories up. In the tiny corner of a banner that just caught my eye.

Or on a Trader Joes grocery bag I randomly picked up near the chocolate almonds.

Or at a friends house… in the middle of the city… where there was a water bowl. “What’s that for?” I asked. I was visiting her to discuss my latest faith crisis. I had not yet moved churches yet and I needed the wisdom of this lovely 70 year old hippy. More than that, I needed an ear to just listen while I sorted it out.”Oh, that bowl is for this peacock that just started showing up at our senior complex. It’s weird. We have no idea where it came from.”

Add in citings on stationery, cards, devotional covers and fat men with tattoos at the gas station covered in peacock memorabilia and I finally got the idea to look up the meaning of the peacock.

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Here’s what I found this wild fowl signifies in the Spirit Animal world. (Note: My inner evangelical started screaming at the woo woo ness of this idea, but my inner spirit had bigger muscles. Yup, that brute chokeheld my uppity church gal and urged me onward.)

Note: I have always believed that God is in sychronicities. I pay attention – hence finally getting my head out of my feathered arse and looking up the peacock meaning.

The Peacock Meaning

  • Awakening
  • Spirituality
  • Many eyes of God (like the feathers)
  • Resurrection
  • A love of language, lovely things and eccentricity

Okay, okay… maybe this represents me. But come on, really?

Then post my big church exodus, this book randomly comes across my Facebook feed:

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And to think this whole time I thought my spirit animal was a taco truck.

(Thanks God, I’m listening. And strutting!)

PS: One hour after I wrote this post I was waiting in line in the restroom of the Pasadena City Playhouse. My friend, Cat, had bought me tickets to Ragtime. She’s a p.e. teacher and I’ve never seen her use a real purse. Until tonight.

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Of course.

Happily Ticked Off Tip #17: Pay attention to synchronicities. It’s God’s way of getting your attention.

My book is available on Amazon. (Note: It’s a special ed journey… your kid doesn’t need to have Tourettes to relate!) Follow me on Twitter@AndreaFrazerWrites or on Facebook. 

books

writing

Taking a Stand: Our Kids Are Worth It

Andrea Frazer

this one

It’s Day #3 of the teachers strike. This means it’s Day #3 of me not subbing.  Here are my thoughts.

From a Substitute Teacher

I do not like this teachers’ strike
I do not like what Beutner’s like
I do not like the pouring rain
I do not like the money drain

I don’t like subbing without insurance
Until 100 days worked. (Yeah, that’s assurance!)

But…

I do not like the crowded classes
And kids on phones who act like asses
I don’t like pencils thrown at my head
(Sometimes they throw milk cartons instead)

I don’t like kids who curse me out
I don’t like asking them not to shout
I don’t like feeling I’m a babysitter
But I refuse to teach and come home bitter

So…

I’m standing with teachers
I’m taking my chances
That L.A. wakes up
And our culture advances

If we all do not want guns in school
And we want kids who think (not just follow rules)
If we want less bullies
If we want kids to be kind
Then let’s value our teachers
Let’s all walk the line

It’s time to make the class sizes shrink
So kids can grow and laugh and think
We need to make school a beautiful space
Where kids feel heard… where kids feel safe

Let’s bring back the music
Let’s bring back the laughter
Let’s bring back the joy
‘Cause the fact of the matter is

If you cherish our future
And you value our kids
Then do what the teachers
Finally just did

They took a stand
To change the game
Now come on, L.A….
Will you do the same?

Andrea Frazer Paventi
Proud LAUSD Sub 

Pictured: My beautiful peeps at my home school.

writing

Happily Ticked Off: 2019

Andrea Frazer

this one

This just in! This just in! I am no longer writing about Tourettes. See here.

I am no longer offering services for tic consulting.

I am no longer pushing essential oils for relaxation.

Why? Aren’t they good ideas?

Yes, my dear readers, they are. I believe in them. But you know what I am happiest doing most? WRITING!

And who has a TV pilot contract writing? Me!

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And why am I considering getting my Masters in Special Education and teaching? Because I need to live in a fun little place called Reality, and that means my said pilot might not sell. (But honestly, I have a good feeling it will. I really do. If you are the praying type, please pray. If you are the superstitious type, please cross your fingers and don’t step under ladders for the whole month of January and beginning of February.) But…if this pilot doesn’t sell…and I teach… I will get summers and four weeks off a year to do what I love most. What is that? Did you forget? WRITING!

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And so with that in mind, bring on 2019. Let’s get Happily Ticked Off together learning how to accept the life we cannot change, change the life we can, and have the wisdom to know the difference.

PS: As a substitute teacher for the LAUSD School District, I’m officially picketing with the teachers for higher pays and better classroom size.

What does that mean? I’m not working this week. What does that mean? I’m… WRITING!

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You know what, I refuse to be in a bad mood. Life is too good. I can’t wait to see where this life leads in 2019.

What are your plans for 2019? What are you dying to do? Leave a comment below! I miss you guys!

My book is available on Amazon. (Note: It’s a special ed journey… your kid doesn’t need to have Tourettes to relate!) Follow me on Twitter@AndreaFrazerWrites or on Facebook. 

books