Stink Turns 9, Mario Turns 0

So most of you know how much I love Mario I hope that little fat fxx gets offed by Japanese Gaming Executives and is replaced by a First Person Shooter Game called “Crunchy Mama Vs. DS Satan Zombies.”

The object of the game is that the virtual hero you create, preferably a flabby ass forty year old like myself who wears thrift store Ugg boots and wreaks of Yuban, gets to huck gluten free cardboard type spelt bread at the heads of Video Game Creators. For every head that rolls, it’s one less tic you’ll have to deal with.

Lead players will also wipe out:

* Aspergers


* IEPs

* Un-inspired educators

* Uneducated buffoons who spell Tourettes “Turrets”

* Dill

That last one on the list? I just added it because I hate dill.

Without getting too personal about my son’s life – which is a joke because this whole blog is dedicated to analyzing every aspect of his confusing syndrome – I’ll say that I’ve been most frustrated about his obessions lately. The tics? Very very minimal. God bless acupuncture! But the constant never ending talk about Mario. DRIVING ME INSANE OH MY GOD SHOOT ME I’M GOING TO GO CRAZIER THAN I ALREADY AM.

Let’s assume he has a pending diagnosis that would make his inability to focus on anything other than his favorite topic impossible. Let’s say that with this diagnosis is hope for a brilliant academic future but a decent chance that he’s wired the way he is for better or for worse? Even if that is the case, I can’t take the talk about Mario 24/7. He has to curb it.

So I’ve installed the new Mario Behavior Chart which I’m making his teacher implement. It goes like this:

* He gets a star if he doesn’t talk about it before recess

* Same thing before lunch

* Same thing before dismissal.

* His teacher gives him a few extra stars if he doesn’t interrupt, say inappropriate things, etc.

I don’t care how much he talks about it on the playground.

This new system, let me say, is working! It’s not intended to be about censorship. It’s about letting the side of his brain that is super intelligent work on learning other stuff. It will allow new people into his world and enrich his relationships. It will tie in his weekend game time to good behavior.

This has all taken an incredible amount of patience. If I could, I’d drink three glasses of wine/day – I’m that tired by 8PM. But drinking is a slippery slope, so I’m not.

Not until Friday.

And then, all bets go out the window. Stink can play his beloved Wii and I can down some good red wine with the girls.

And on Saturday, during his Star Wars themed birthday party Fat Fxx Mario Debacle, I will be the first to take a baseball bat and whack the living lights out of that Fuzzy Plumber Pinata.

I’m obsessing a bit tonight. Do you think I have Aspergers or am I just jonesing for Friday?

4 thoughts on “Stink Turns 9, Mario Turns 0”

  1. We don’t have the game but at my guy’s bday party the other day, his friends were talking about Mario. And it annoyed me.

    For some reason BB told me “NO Mario Cart!!” before we got the Wii.Not sure why but maybe they know kids get hung up on it.

    We went through a stage of obsessing about much less peer-friendly stuff…at least his friends know what he’s talking about.

  2. I think you deserve to whack the stuffing out of that pinata. You are planning to have adult surprises in there, right? And happy to hear the behavior chart is giving you some relief and your son opportunities to interact more successfully.

  3. Not sure about the Asperger’s, but this is one great entry. I got a few laughs, learned a few things and generally enjoyed it. Hope to see you soon again over on our blog. There is much for you to comment on, and we’d love to see another one of your rants, too!

  4. Laughed…. nay, guffawed at this hilarious posting. I found your original blog a couple weeks ago while yet again, furiously googling TS after listening to my son’s almost constant cough/throat clearing tic as he tried to fall asleep. I finally found a useful solution to my anxiety! Laughter. My son has had tics since about 5, was diagnosed with Aspergers at 7 and turns 10 today. I am happy to report the day after my insane googling last week, his tics magically softened in intensity.

    Your blog and its comments gives me good food for thought. My son has had a LOT on his plate over the last couple years with accompanying anxiety and depression, sensory processing disorder, aspergers, ts, adhd (maybe – different docs have different opinions whether it is actual adhd or more symptoms of aspergers). We also went through a lot of testing last winter for epilipsy (still under watch) and adrenal gland abnormalities. I have asked time and again why this beautiful, amazing, smart and creative boy has been given so much to tackle. I have asked why we as parents and as a family has been given this to tackle. I have then shook myself and checked my self pity at the door because it is doing nothing to teach my wonderful son how to move beyond his diagnoses. We were given this because we can handle it… End stop. It has been much better lately and this has mostly been attributed to my son’s happiness. He couldn’t care less about his diagnoses, and the less we care, the less he cares and the less his friends care (YES, he has friends!).

    Life is not easy, but it is a wonderful, beautiful journey and I can’t wait adventures we wi take in his 10th year.

    Andrea, thank you for your blog and thank you for shaking me out of my moment of self pity last week. I am now your faithful follower! And I look forward to laughing and some more of life’s follies with you. My son’s birthday party is tomorrow… and the theme is a Wii Super Smash Bro’s tournament and a beyblade tournament. I suspect I will have a raging head ache by this time tomorrow, but a big smile on my face after watching my son revel in his two favorite obsessions with 9 of his favorite friends. Life is good.

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