So most of you know how much
I love Mario I hope that little fat fxx gets offed by Japanese Gaming Executives and is replaced by a First Person Shooter Game called “Crunchy Mama Vs. DS Satan Zombies.”
The object of the game is that the virtual hero you create, preferably a flabby ass forty year old like myself who wears thrift store Ugg boots and wreaks of Yuban, gets to huck gluten free cardboard type spelt bread at the heads of Video Game Creators. For every head that rolls, it’s one less tic you’ll have to deal with.
Lead players will also wipe out:
* Un-inspired educators
* Uneducated buffoons who spell Tourettes “Turrets”
That last one on the list? I just added it because I hate dill.
Without getting too personal about my son’s life – which is a joke because this whole blog is dedicated to analyzing every aspect of his confusing syndrome – I’ll say that I’ve been most frustrated about his obessions lately. The tics? Very very minimal. God bless acupuncture! But the constant never ending talk about Mario. DRIVING ME INSANE OH MY GOD SHOOT ME I’M GOING TO GO CRAZIER THAN I ALREADY AM.
Let’s assume he has a pending diagnosis that would make his inability to focus on anything other than his favorite topic impossible. Let’s say that with this diagnosis is hope for a brilliant academic future but a decent chance that he’s wired the way he is for better or for worse? Even if that is the case, I can’t take the talk about Mario 24/7. He has to curb it.
So I’ve installed the new Mario Behavior Chart which I’m making his teacher implement. It goes like this:
* He gets a star if he doesn’t talk about it before recess
* Same thing before lunch
* Same thing before dismissal.
* His teacher gives him a few extra stars if he doesn’t interrupt, say inappropriate things, etc.
I don’t care how much he talks about it on the playground.
This new system, let me say, is working! It’s not intended to be about censorship. It’s about letting the side of his brain that is super intelligent work on learning other stuff. It will allow new people into his world and enrich his relationships. It will tie in his weekend game time to good behavior.
This has all taken an incredible amount of patience. If I could, I’d drink three glasses of wine/day – I’m that tired by 8PM. But drinking is a slippery slope, so I’m not.
Not until Friday.
And then, all bets go out the window. Stink can play his beloved Wii and I can down some good red wine with the girls.
And on Saturday, during his
Star Wars themed birthday party Fat Fxx Mario Debacle, I will be the first to take a baseball bat and whack the living lights out of that Fuzzy Plumber Pinata.
I’m obsessing a bit tonight. Do you think I have Aspergers or am I just jonesing for Friday?