When I used to write for BabyCenter, or Good Housekeeping, I’d use all sorts of clever titles to get readers’ attention. It didn’t matter if it were necessarily true or not. It simply meant that it was enticing enough to get someone to click on my post.
Because then, for $13/post, I was able to make some fancy advertiser a gijillion dollars for investing in the site.
I’m not saying that ensures me a ticket to hell, but it’s not entirely honest.
So now, while I’m not writing for any corporate sites right now where my title would say, “Having baby #3!” (which would then go on to explain that the baby I’m really having is not in my uterus but instead a dream for a peaceful start of school) I’m just going to be more honest.
Which is why maybe 34 people regularly visit me here.
For those of you who do, God bless you. And this is what my title means today.
Summer is ending!
It was glorious. It was full of Miss L and Cam and Jul. We took my mom on errands every Tuesday. While she did not ever win the Lottery, she did make sure the 99 Cents store, Vons, the post office and Bank of America stayed in business.
Every Monday we would visit Pasadena where my kids would do art with my best friend, Topanga T, while I chatted with Sam about life, love, tics and religion.
Almost every Saturday, Topanga and B would come to us. After dinner, we’d do “Bella-Tations” with the kids – a combo of Meditation that involves zen stories of T’s quirky bulldog, Bella.
Occasionally we’d take a weekend in a beach house or camping or our cabin (oh, the cabin upgrade) where my discipline schedule would turn into Lord of the Flies. (Free food! Stay up late! Whoo hooo!)
My children learned that if they did not adhere to their one hour/day of computers they would not get computers the next day.
Mama learned not to feel guilty.
Instead of saying “Why why why?” they learned to answer “Yes, Mama.”
My beautiful daughter met a new neighborhood friend. In addition, her best friend, Miss L, is moving directly across the street as of, um, now. They will also share a class next year. Their teacher is so fxxxed.
My husband and I are learning to communicate day by day.
My faith is getting stronger.
And while my house still needs painting and my floors still need varnishing I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not going back to work to make these things happen. Instead, I will finish my book and see if it sells.
And if it doesn’t sell through a fancy publisher, and it’s not done yet, I have learned to forgive myself. Because more important than anything else in my universe is the love of my babies. Their soul, not my finances (and certainly not a few tics) are what will define my life.
I am feeling sad that soon my daughter – who is sleeping at her new friend’s home tonight – will be embarking on fourth grade. My beautiful boy is starting fifth. I will be here. Alone. With an empty screen and an empty start.
And while having some alone time sounds incredibly glorious, I’m a bit weepy. Because these two little beings mean pretty much everything to me. (Even when I’m screaming at them, on occasion, to GO TO SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Until next time, I pray that tics don’t steal too much of your joy. Because who you have in your home right now, tics or not, that’s enough.
PS: That’s Stinker and his new “masked ranger! Squeeeker!”