I am so mad at myself I don’t even want to start a new post.
Instead, I will simply cut and paste what I wrote to my support group this morning.
Either I am terribly human or just a selfish, awful mother. I’m hoping for the first.
You know, I write this blog for moms.
I write for TS New Jersey.
I think I’m doing fine.
Then Tarzan comes back. “Ah ah ah”
It’s light but an annoying warble. Don’t know if it’s from strep or
food cheats or Wii or what, but I’m pissed.
Tonight in the kitchen he warbles very softly.
So I very very softly warble to myself. “Ah ah ah.”
To which he perks up his head and says, “I don’t like when you make
fun of me.”
I have done this before. At least 5 times in five years. It’s not that I’m intentionally mocking him, I’m just so annoyed at that tic- so sad that my little kid’s voice is interrupted by this darn invader – I do it.
I try not to. Given he’s been ticking for so long and it’s only slipped out a little bit is not bad. But it’s enough.
I’m writing this out loud for accountability.
Here I have this amazingly confident kid who is not afraid of others but will have a complex about hs own fxxxin mother if I don’t
There’s nothing I can really ask for except to tell me to get my friggin’ act together.
And with that, this very human, fried out mama, bids you good night.
May the ah ah ahhhhhs be with you.
9 thoughts on “Where I’m a Total Hypocrite”
Andrea, you are NOT going to create a complex in your son for 5 slips of frustration in 5 years. What about the other thousands of times over those 5 years that you said something to affirm his confidence and modeled that belief as well. My husband uses humour to work through difficult parenting moments sometimes and I used to worry that it was going to create a complex in our son at first, then I realized that it was doing the opposite. It was teaching him to laugh at himself and not take himself too seriously. If you are really worried about it, talk to your son. He is old enough to know you are human and make mistakes. You can also bring some lightness to the frustration that he must also feel at times by finding something to laugh about together. At the end of the day, our children are impacted by the sum of our interractions and not by individual moments like this one.
We all need to cut ourselves some slack. Not because we don’t care, but because we worry and care so much, that it effects our ability to model confidence. The calmer, less worried and more confident we appear, the less our kids will think their tics are a big deal; the less our kids will worry about their tics and the more confident they will be about their experience with tics; the more likely they will be to say to a classmate that raises an eyebrow at their tic “Yeah, it’s no big deal. It’s just a tic… now pass the ball would ya”, and the more likely that kid will be to just mentally shrug off his initial discomfort and just pass the ball. Go easy on yourself and your son will go easier on himself.
By the way, this advice is coming from a place of experience. I am also a mom who worries too much and beats myself up for every parenting “mistake” I’ve ever made, but I am trying to change that… for my kids so they don’t learn from me to do that to themselves. If we are doing our best, that has to be enough.
@Angela – Whoever and wherever you are, I NEEDED THAT. I believe you. I do. And of course I talked to Stink immediately about it. I told him I was not perfect. His response was, “Mommy, you are perfect to me. I forgive you! I won’t ever forget it, but I forgive you. For this time and the next time you do it!” I swear I can’t make this crap up. Anyway, THANK YOU. I really really needed that today.
Awe, so glad. You have certainly helped me since finding your blog a few weeks ago. Happy to give back a little of the support you give to us.
P.S. I am mom to an amazing 10 year old boy with Aspergers, Sensory Processing Disorder and Tourettes. We live in the Greater Toronto Area of Ontario, Canada. Like you, I have spent many, many nights worrying and trying to figure out how to “fix” my son’s difficulties, but I am now trying to accept what I can’t change and focus more on celebrating who his is… not what he is not. Thanks for making me laugh.
Stop punishing yourself. It’s bad for you. It’s bad for the kids. You don’t deserve that.
You are a truly amazing mom. Those kids love you, adore you, and will always think you hung the moon.
Stink sounds very smart and intuitive- trust me, he knows you adore him. I, myself, have been screaming at everyone like a maniac the last two days (not without reason, I might add). MY son even told me “Mom, you need help”. Some times, no matter how hard you try, the cup just overflows.
@ Christy – See you tomorrow. You always make me feel normal. Could be because you are crazy, too!
@ Joy – You make me just laugh. You do. Where do you live? I have a cabin in Big Bear. I say all of us tic moms get together and eat until we’re so stuffed we are all ticking.
Unfortunately I live clear across the country- in New Jersey – otherwise that get together would be absolutely amazing (and just what I need.) Also I think our boys would be instant BFFs since they seem to have been separated at birth.
Human beings like to mimic by nature, not in the mocking way, more in the social bonding way. Or social learning, by instinct. My kids, no tics that I’m aware of, just teen slang, and as uncool and embarrassing as it might be, I often mimic their slang. Very “awk”, I’m told. See, there I go again. So as earlier commenters have said, I hope you will give yourself some (lots of) slack. Maybe explain that it’s just what we humans do sometimes, for lots of reasons, not to make fun of but to join in.