It’s been one of those seasons – 18 months to be exact – where I didn’t think it could get any busier.
And it did.
- Full-time work as an aid in for kids with special needs.
- Hubby transitioning from working at home to working to at an office.
- Moving the kids into their own rooms upstairs.
- Rex and I moving into the dining room to give everyone space, only to realize that we truly didn’t have enough of it. (Think of a Pinterest style cat box. It had cute nicks and crannies, but in the end, it was still a cat box: small and crammed with crap.)
- Deciding if I had to hear a dish clinking in the kitchen sink (right off my bedroom) one more second I would kill everyone, including the dog.
- Asking our beloved roommate to leave (it was hard… she’s like family) only to finally have to face that demon of a conversation, “Where does our money actually go each month?”
Fear Oh Crap I’m Going to Be Homeless Simple Money Questions
- Would I make more money if I went into teaching?
- Would I bring in even more money with Ebay? Freelance writing? DoTerra? Piano lessons?
- Would I be able to live with the resentment that I used to sit at home and write while my husband worked in a cush corporate job and instead I was now on a tight work schedule, fitting in my 12-step meetings, church, communication classes, exercise, (would I ever see my mom and friends again?) and oh, yeah, what about that dog that needs walking and, hellz, it was your birthday? Sorry I missed it. Again.
PS: I realized in the past 18 months I was not a victim. I told my spouse to go off and start his own biz. Woops. Until I came to that conclusion, and figured out what I was not willing to accept, it wasn’t fun.
Add in a few tics and high school panic and I could have lost my ever loving mind.
And yet I didn’t.
One thing was different, and so I’m sharing this secret with you in case you, too, might find yourself in a situation more unmanageable than Trump’s ego and hairdo: “Life didn’t happen to me, it happened for me.”
That came to me from my mentor and fellow writer, Rose Heart, and it bears repeating:
“Life didn’t happen to me, it happened for me.” – Rose Heart ,Writer
That statement has changed forever how I view life. Once you’re a pickle, you can never be a cucumber again. And so it is with truth when it hit me square in the eye.
I could either choose to bemoan my lack of time and funds, or I could be thankful for the opportunity to learn something new about myself.
I could either freak out about tics, or I could be grateful my boy still wants me to come in his room at night, say prayers, and show me his video game.
I could be steaming mad at my spouse – deflecting my own need to change – or I could learn to stand my ground on the things I need, let go of the ones I don’t, and have the wisdom to know the difference.
All these things lead me to my glorious glorious news: I am dedicated once again to what this blog is about. It’s not about changing people, places, things, tics or the weather in order to feel better in my own skin. It’s about changing what’s under my skin so radically that other things barely bug me.
It’s not always easy, but when I remember to radically love myself to love others because I know, deep in my gut, that God loves me, it works. It really does.
I hope you’ll come back to me here. I have missed writing. I have missed you.
And if you’ve missed you, it’s never too late to find yourself again. Because, at the end of the day, you are all you got. And whatever in your life you find so awful you can’t take it, remember that it’s not happening to you. It’s happening for you. You can either unwrap the gift of clarity every single day and go forth with courage or you can throw it away.
But believe me – until you take ownership – that gift will keep landing on your doorstep, begging you to use it, incorporate it into your life as it is (not as you want it to be… hello, reality!) and upgrade it for something better.
Until next time,
My book is available on Amazon. Follow me on Twitter@AndreaFrazerWrites or on FB.