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Still Here

1

Hi all –

Well, it’s been a month already since I’ve blogged. The good news: I have more freelance writing work then I can shake a stick at. The bad news, I feel a bit ragged. What’s the point of working from home to be there for the kids if you’re constantly telling them “I am WORKING! Go find something to do for one more hour!” It just feels disjointed. I try not to care what others are doing, but it seems all around me people are sending their kids to science camp, music camp, sleep away hemp basket making camp for gifted kids who speak French, Mandarin and Martian.

Combined with extra tics (yup, the vocals are back, thank you very much) it can get tiring if I worry too much about what I’m not providing the kids. And since I don’t drink anymore, I can’t really zone out, so instead, well, I am practicing letting stuff be. I am doing my best. Somehow, call me crazy, I think my kids will grow up to be productive members of society anyway, even if they know a little too much about Mario Cart and Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey.

Yes, despite normal mama concern for my kids’ brain cells, there’s this sense of purpose underneath the chaos that I can only call God. No matter what has been going on with my time, my kids, my husband – I know that God has a plan for me. Does this mean I sit still and do nothing? Of course not. But I do know that I, personally, did not create this universe, so why take the weight of the world on my shoulders? How about I do my best to set a schedule (for me and the kids), follow it, but know that in the end, there’s only so much we all can do. My kids might not be flying to France this summer, but they will have learned to wash cars, make their beds and cook dinner once/week. That is good enough for now.

I am keeping this short as I’m about to leave for a five-day trip with the kids to San Francisco. (Hey, I’m doing something! Do I get a medal?) Have I packed? Ha!!!!!! Fat chance. But like my emotional life these days, I will keep things light. Heaviness will only bring me down. I don’t know what is in store for us on this road trip, but I’m quite certain it will be an adventure. The same with tics. The same with jobs. The same with relationships. God willing, I’ll arrive safely with all of them and live to tell a new tale.

Love you guys!

New post also at Armonia.

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